Cautiously Hopeful

I've got this tightness in my chest. I feel like I am in over my head. I feel like someone is going to glare at me and say "Why are you even trying again?"

Yes. I am talking about Lily's disability claim. I filed it. No, it doesn't cost anything to file again and again...maybe just a little piece of my heart, some pride and a healthy dose of tears. I have to rehash every little thing we've been through. I was determined to get it done this past Sunday though because I had been putting it off for weeks. So I sat, and I wrote and I went through files and I put down as much as I could. I did not get up for anything but a quick bathroom break.

It still took me over 3 hours to complete. With no breaks.

And now I have to go in tomorrow for them to dissect our financial lives and go through everything, only to tell me that someone will be in touch with me in a few months. And then, it's out of my hands. A blessing and a curse. I already feel like all of this is out of my control. I can't make them see how hard this is for us. How draining, financially, each specialist, each medication, each check up is for us.

And yes, if we're denied again, we can handle it - financially. Emotionally? I'll be pissed and hurt...all over again, for the third time. But then, it might be time to take to a lawyer at that point...BUT we will cross that bridge if and when we need to. Hopefully we won't.

This time we have a Duke Eye specialist that says Lily's eyes are 20/200 with glasses right now. And she now has DI. And well, they have all those new endocrine disorders that disability covers now and Lily has all of them!

I think the worst part, besides the heartbreak and pride of actually having to file my daughter for disability - is that I am so damn intimidated by the government! Isn't that crazy? I feel like they're already saying No to me. Maybe I'm just cautious because of the other two times when I was so hopeful.

Okay. Tomorrow at 2 I am going in to wrap this claim up so wish me luck!