Pray

I'm not a really religious person. I believe that there is something greater than me. Something greater than I can understand. I don't know if it's one thing, two things, a man, a woman, and honestly, I don't really care. I just know that when push comes to shove someone out there listens to me pray.

Right now I'm praying harder than I ever have before. Having a baby will do that to a person, that's the truth. I prayed when Lillian was born, I prayed when the jaundice was bad, and when it got worse. I prayed when I was sleep deprived and sick. I prayed when she had the seizure. I prayed everyday in the hospital. I asked for prayers. I almost begged for them.

Now I pray for something for myself. I pray that I can find peace with what has been dealt to us. I pray that I can let go of this anger that is so soul consuming. I pray that I can let go of the sadness, but not all of it, because I need it there to remind me. I pray that I can look beyond the diagnosis and see my daughter again as she was before I knew all this. I pray that I can be stronger, more patient, more understanding and more...I just need to be more.