Dearest Lily Belle

A message to my three year old daughter on her first day of preschool,

My sweet Lily Belle. Today you woke up with a smile on your face and exclaimed loudly, "School today! I am so excited!" I was excited too, but I worried also. Between picking out your first school outfit, packing your first lunch, and worrying about how you would handle a full morning of school, I was also selfishly wanting you to stay home longer.
In the long run I know that this first step in your schooling will help set a foundation for the rest of your life. We are very thankful to be able to send you to a school for the visually impaired and to have them teach you things that even we may not think to teach you. I hope you'll come home with things to teach us!

I was so incredibly proud of you when you hugged me goodbye this morning. You took off without a care in the world and you were so independent. I had to remind myself that that is a good thing even if I secretly wanted you to come back for one more hug. And you'd be proud of me too - I took advantage of my quiet house and got lots of chores done (3 loads of laundry, floor vacuumed, kitchen cleaned and I showered without interruption!) I only even cried three times.

I cried because the house was so quiet. I cried because you weren't behind me singing or playing your computer. I cried because I thought of you playing without me. I cried because I imagined you coming home and telling me a story and me not understanding you because I wasn't there to witness it. I cried because of all the memories you'll make without Daddy and I now.

And then I wiped my tears and smiled and took a deep breath. I reminded myself that this is only preschool (god help me on the first day of kindergarten!) I told myself that you will come home with so many fun and happy memories and stories to share with us. I reminded myself to be thankful for the simple, and often over looked fact, that you are growing and progressing and getting the privilege to go to preschool I looked around and realized that I should take advantage of this quiet house before you come racing back in.

And now I'm imagining picking you up from your first day. I can't wait to hear your stories. I can't wait to see how tired you are (fingers crossed!) I hope you come give me a big hug - I need it after the whirlwind of emotions I've been through today.