Mommy Breakdown

Every now and again it hits me that I am a mommy of a disabled child. I don't particularly like to think of myself like that, and I don't think it's constructive, but every so often it hits me. The little things like giving medicines, checking blood sugars, waking her up to eat in the middle of the night, all of that has become part of our regular routine. So it really doesn't hit me all that often anymore. But when it does hit me, it hits hard.

Maybe because I am tired today, or that I've been taking care of Lillian practically on my own for over a week now, or the fact that my life feels like groundhog day. Maybe it's all of the above but it hit me hard today. And so I had another mini break down. Maybe this is just normal mommy behavior? I remember doing it a lot in the beginning. So I shouldn't really blame this on sod. Plus, (tmi warning) but I'm so worried that I'm going to start my period now that we're on solids. We're still nursing the same amount but I woke up cranky, with a headache, body aches and my lower back cramping. Ugh. I don't want that on top of everything else!

Anywho, I've told Dennis that I am getting out of the house tonight. One of our friends is having a party so we might make an appearance. We're debating on whether or not to take Lillian. I guess that depends on if my Mom can watch her. She worked today and has to work 12 hours tomorrow so I hate to ask her but I really just need to get away for a night. I don't actually mind taking Lillian. It's not her bothering me so much as being frumpy, ugly, dealing with tantrums with no one to turn to, being tired and being stuck in this house all damn day!

So hopefully this will help and bring me back to being myself again.

I didn't actually come on here to write all that but it felt good to vent. So I'll start a new entry for what I originally wanted to post :P