Murderous thoughts at 6am

So. Lily woke me up at 6am which is no big deal. I went in and got her and brought into the bedroom. I figured we could nurse for a bit and then she could just sleep with me in the bed until she got up for good. Dennis sometimes sleeps on the floor because he has a bad back and the bed is too soft for him. He had moved to the floor sometime during the night so I had the bed to myself. So I got everything set up, nursed her and then set her in her boppy - and yes, I know it says NO SLEEP on it but she sleeps really well in it and doesn't slide down into at all. So anyways, I see that she's not going to sleep so I give her a paci and just figure she'll go to sleep on her own like she usually does. Well, no go. She starts kicking me and making noises. I'm exhausted and getting a little bit irritated. So I move her back into her own room in her crib and right when I put her down she rolls to her side. So then I'm debating if I should leave her or not. I do. But then I hear her on the monitor cooing like crazy. So I get back up and get her. By this time it's around 7am. I think, well I could nurse her back to sleep. No go. So I finally just huff and puff and get up because I'm hungry and she's wanting to play. My poor little girl, I hope she didn't realize how pissed off I was. And I kept telling myself, I'M the one making this worse than it is! Yes, I'm tired, but I've been more tired before.

The part that made it so bad? Dennis slept through it ALL. And all I could think was, I have no weekends. I have no me time to sleep in and enjoy a lazy Sunday morning. I work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no weekends. I was furious (partly because I was so tired and partly because he didn't wake up.) Now, I knew I would look differently on this when I was more rested, and I do. In hindsight, why should two of us be awake when one can do the job? But, It always has to be ME - the curse of nursing I guess. And then, How was he to know that I was awake for 2+ hours since he's such a heavy sleeper. Well, that didn't stop me from glaring at him all morning when I was in the room with him.

So, We kicked it downstairs and played around while I had a bowl of cereal. And finally she's ready for a "nap" at 8:30am. So I brought her back upstairs and pretty much fell into bed. We slept until 11. I heard Dennis rummaging around sometime around 10 and I think I glared at him until he slowly backed out of the room. He made a not so smart comment when I came down with Lily, "So, what happened last night?" I just took a deep breath, again, how was he to know? But how can he not know I was awake for 2.5 hours with our daughter? I had already changed 2 poopy diapers, been spit up, felt like crying and nursed her twice before he had even opened his eyes that morning.

Okay. That's my vent. I had to get it out. And really, My husband works all week so he does deserve to sleep in on the weekends and not feel guilty about it. And I do feel bad that I was so cranky this morning. But, when do I get to sleep in and not have to worry about who's going to get up and change/feed Lily when she cries?