Labor

So, I finally have some time to sit down and write my labor post before my mommy brain totally takes over and I forget everything. So, this is a bit condensed to save space and time, but it's got the most important aspects of it. Here we go...

So I was at my 40 week appointment. Had my ultrasound to check fluid levels, and had a NST (non stress test) to make sure Lily was doing okay. Everything was fine...except that I was STILL NOT dilated...not even a fingertip. The doctor referred to my cervix as "Fort Knox" a couple of times...yeah. So induction was brought up and by that point I was in tears. I had been spending the last week trying everything I could from long walks even though I didn't have the energy to the dreaded castor oil (ugh.) Obviously my body was just not ready, and it turned out my body would never be ready for labor! Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. So we scheduled the induction process to start Monday December 14th starting with cervidil which is basically a long thin string they put inside and sit on your cervix to help thin it. So I got to the hospital around 8pm Monday and started it all up. I had small contractions but nothing severe. I was hooked up to machines for me and the baby and was pumped full of IV fluids. My poor husband had to get up every hour to unhook me and help me to the bathroom. He was such a trooper through the whole thing.

So in the morning I was not allowed to eat breakfast (nor did I have dinner the night before) We started the pitocin on the lowest level. Every 30 minutes or so a nurse would come in a check me and up the pitocin. I got as comfortable as I could, watched "Love Actually" and played on the computer. Now this is all a blur to me now...but it was a LONG process. The doctor would come in and check me and I was still NOT dilated at all. She then was able to strip my membranes, which hurt SO BAD but it finally helped me get to 1cm which was a miracle. She then tried to break my water - that was a no go. She then proceeded to tell me that I had some options...We could stick it out and see what would happen, or if nothing happens we would have to go home. I was devastated. I kept telling my body "PLEASE, do something!! This is it!" I was not mentally prepared to go home, not to mention financially!! Can you imagine!?

So the next time she checked me, the last time she did before she was off the clock, I was sure I had dilated more. Nope. Still 1cm. I put on a brave face while the doctor was in. When she left I lost it. Looking back, I feel so bad for my husband. I was just so tired and could not hold my emotions in anymore. I cried like I have never, ever cried before. My heart ached! What was I doing wrong!? And were they really going to send me home? I know my mom and mother in law came into the room and slowly backed out again when they saw the disaster that I was. Dennis got me under control and then had to take a walk himself. Well...While he was gone, the new doctor came on rounds and wanted to check me for herself. While she was lowering the bed to check me I felt a huge pop. My first thought was, oh my gosh, something's wrong. I must be bleeding out!!! Nope, It was my water breaking - on it's own!!! I was so thrilled! It was like I had to go through what I did and then I was rewarded haha

After my water broke the contractions were insane. People say that pitocin just amps up regular contractions which by themselves are crazy painful. So I was have contractions about back to back with hardly any break. I would just close my eyes and squeeze my husbands poor hands and have him tell me when it had peaked and was going back down. The worst part, which my mom had warned me about, was the back labor! Oh my god, it was awful. Thinking back on it now does not diminish the memory of that pain. It still gives me chills! It turns out Lillian was turned weird and her skull was ramming into my pelvis, the poor girl had a bruise all around her head from hitting it with each contraction.

Dennis and I discussed the epidural. I went in knowing I was going to get one. Of course I wanted to feel contractions and see how they really were and try to get as far as I could. I couldn't do it anymore though. We discussed it in length because I was only 2cm and still had a long labor ahead of me. I tried a different kind of drug (forget the name of it now?) but it made me feel loopy and dulled the pain for about 10 minutes and they were back with a vengeance. Finally, I just told Dennis that I had to have it. So I got it. I barely remember getting it. I remember being surprised because I barely had time between contractions for them to administer it, which didn't seem to faze them. Once I got it I had a few spots (my ribs, ugh) that I could still feel it but overall it was so much nicer. It was like having a break to catch my breath.

Well then, The nurse kept making me lay on one side, then on the other. I could tell something was wrong. Nurses kept popping their heads in the door to ask if they needed any help. My doctor came in and put in an internal monitor attached to Lillian to monitor her more closely. It turns out that her HB kept dropping. (Later we found out that she was most likely laying on her cord) but at the time we just knew that her heartbeat was dropping. All I could think was, I DID THIS. I got the epidural and now she's in distress. I was so tired, and so scared. The doctor gave me the option of waiting it out to see what would happen, though her HB had dropped twice already, or to have the c section. She figured it would end up in a c section anyways since I wasn't progressing and it had already been a long labor, plus me and Lillian were just so tired.

So we were rushed into the OR. Luckily I was able to see my mom before being rushed back there. She was fighting tears, which scared the hell out of me. My mom is usually a very strong person especially in medical situations. At this point I felt like I was in a fog. Part exhaustion, part drugs, part being scared out of my mind. And lord was I ever scared. That C Section was the scariest thing I have ever been through. I ended up getting sick on the table, which in and of itself was scary since I couldn't feel my stomach muscles. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and die on that table! Plus the sheet all the way to my chin was making me claustrophobic.

But Lillian was born super fast, or so it seemed. She was born at 9:11pm on December 15, 2009. 7lbs 7oz of pure perfection :) I didn't get to see her right away. She had some fluid in her longs, which they told me most c section babies have (something about not being pushed out with a natural labor.) I was in recovery for at least an hour being monitored and getting rid of the shakes - which were awful! But I did get to hold her when they took me up to the floor where I would be staying. I was so exhausted that I barely remember that happening.

Overall, It was the scariest, most insane thing I have ever done. I wish I could've had her naturally and it breaks a little piece of my heart that I won't be able to have any other babies naturally (I think vbac's are too dangerous for both mom and baby and the risk does not out weigh the reward!) But part of me is excited that I got to feel everything up until the actual pushing - which is fine by me :) And though everything that I thought could go wrong, kinda did, we both turned out happy and healthy in the end. And with the next baby I'll have his/her birthday picked out and ready to go! haha