Changes

I had gotten up to use the bathroom the other night and just stopped by the pack n play and looked down at my daughter sleeping and my heart just caught in my throat. How is it possible that she's here!? My mind is blown every time I think about it. I'm kind of used to this feeling. I get it every time something huge happens in my life...starting with Dennis. I met him and would look at him and how happy we were (and still are) together and I would just say, "How did this happen?" and for the life of me I can't figure out how it all started. I mean, of course there's our story starting just like every relationship has a beginning but, how did it become so amazing and when did it overtake me so much that I couldn't imagine my life without him? Changes.

Then we got engaged and every now and then I would look down at my ring, heart in my throat, close to tears and just say "holy shit, I'm engaged!!!" Thinking back on that feeling makes me get butterflies all over again. What an incredible feeling! Then of course, came the wedding, and then I would look down at my engagement ring plus my wedding ring together and I would think, "oh my gosh, I'm married. I am a MRS." And again, what a great feeling. And it took me so long to get used to it - hell, sometimes it's still a shock to me!

And when I got pregnant, it was the same way. I would just light up a room with the smile I would get when I thought about being pregnant, becoming a mother and the life I was making...as cheesy as that sounds. Now I look at Lillian and just sigh with all this pent up love and happiness I have that she is here and she is loved and happy. I know it sounds cheesy and cliche but it's overwhelming, this feeling I have for her and even for my husband for giving me this precious gift. It's amazing and it's so indescribable.

Anyway, so changes are inevitable and lately that have been life altering, scary, overwhelming, amazing and just plain awesome.