Last update of 2011!

It's 6:30 in the morning and I'm already on my second cup of coffee but I feel like I've just been itching to update with everything that has been going on so bear with me! Let's keep it simple and do some bullet points:

- Sleeping. We changed LBs medicine time back to 11a/7p/3a and for a few days it seemed to work. We were so relived, I can't even explain. And then, it started back up again. First she woke up at 5am. Then this morning it was 4:30. I've been so tired that I've slept through a lot of the crying which is good because sometimes my resolve isn't so great and I end up just getting up with her instead of waiting until 6am (our set designated time to get her up.) I've also been getting her up from her naps again. I've been letting her sleep 2.5hours because if I get her up at 2hours she is miserable and it breaks my heart!
In theory this works. In reality, well, not so much. For example, this morning I slept until 5:30 even though she had been up since 4:30. I was up with her at 3am so I wasn't going back in until 6. But, I heard her screaming crying which is not usual. So I went in and got her out. She was being incredibly cute talking about her minnie sheets, pink bears bow that has a hole in it, and then she just started bawling again. I found out why when I changed her diaper...she had been sitting in a dirty diaper and she was now red all over.
This is one of those moments when you just have to tell yourself, "you are not a bad mom you just made the wrong choice this time." I keep asking myself when I should have gotten up to check on her and see if she had a dirty diaper (I changed a barely wet diaper at 3am.) The answer is: Who knows. If I had thought it was possible I would've gotten up every 30 minutes to check on the diaper situation and then we'd be pretty miserable this morning.
But then in the back of my  mind I can't help but think that I was being super selfish and chose to sleep instead of check on her and that does make me feel like a crap mom this morning.

Not sure what else to do with the sleep issue. If it continues or gets worse this next week then I'm calling in again to discuss something else to do. Maybe start her on some melatonin *sigh*

- Sodiums have been good from what we can tell. She's been having some break through thirst but other than that things have seemed pretty calm *knock on wood!* and she's even gotten up from her nap completely dry the past few days (we give ddavp at 11a and she sleeps around 12-1) I even got her up and asked her if she wanted to try the potty one day and she said, yes. She totally got the whole idea of the potty and I could tell she was trying. She squeezed out just enough to make the potty music come on and we were both pretty astonished! It was a one time thing so far but it made my heart soar with hope that maybe potty training can be more normal and not such a hassle!

- Ugh. Speaking of normal. Not sure how to start this but lately I've just been having a hard time with little instances, such as medicine times in public and leaky pants.
The other day we all went to kidventurez to enjoy some time out of the house with Daddy. We were having such a good time until Lily started asking for water and I realized it was close to medicine time. I took her to the side, cradled her and administered her hydrocortisone and ddavp. First one went down easy. Second one spilled. A lot. I yelled for Dennis to grab LB while I tried to figure out just how much didn't go down. He commented that I use the hardest positions to give her the medicine. What? I give medicine 4 freaking times a day, everyday, even in complete dark at 3 freaking am! The percentage of me spilling is not that high that you have to insult my way of doing it! I also tried not to cry (really?) because losing any bit of ddavp is scary for the next 8 hours.
And really, I had to hold myself together mostly because the rest of the world was going on just the same as they were before while were in a little melt down and partly because I was berating myself for spilling. Every time I spill medicine I think "why didn't I just administer it a bit more slowly, more carefully!?" Of course, this is not really my fault so much as it just happens and there's really no use crying over...
spilled medicine.
hah.

And the pants. Lily and I took a oh-so-normal trip to walmart yesterday and were almost done doing our stock-the-pantry trip when I looked down to see she was leaking out of her diaper by the leg. She was wearing disposable for this trip since I knew it was breakthrough peeing time and I wasn't sure if I could just stop everything and change her cloth diaper enough. I just sighed and continued on to check out. I had a huge cart full and couldn't just leave it there while I changed her. So, I waited in line at the check out when a nice lady came and cleared her throat, "uhm, ma'am, your daughter has had a little accident." I just smiled and thanked her, explaining that it happens all the time and I just needed to check out before I could deal with it, thinking it was just what I saw before. Nope. She had soaked herself from the top of her chest down to socks. Gracious. I probably looked like such an irresponsible mom.

And it was just like that that it hit me again. How even the most mundane and normal things are not always so easy and "normal" for us anymore. And it's times like that when I just really have to hold it together. Take a deep breath, let it out, and let it go because there's nothing I can do about it other than move on from it.