The lack of sleep is a necessary evil with a baby.
a new baby.
I never would have thought that 2 years later I would still be sleep deprived - a walking zombie, relying on naps to make me feel just a little bit more human. I am miserable.
I handled waking up every 2 hours for MONTHS when Lily needed me to keep her blood sugar up. I celebrated being able to finally sleep four hours in a row. I even gracefully (imho) handled the start of this nightmare, the wakings at 3am. 4am. 5am. I soldiered up and braced myself each night that I would probably be waking up early than I wanted to. What I really want is my daughter to sleep until at least 6:30. 7am would be ideal. Shoot, 7am would be like sleeping in to me now.
And you know what really bothers me? There is no apparent reason for this. We did not transition her to a big girl bed (she stopped climbing out, even these mornings when I leave her in there.) She's not teething anything crazy; she's not sick; she's not crying or throwing fits or inconsolable. She is just doing this and is totally fine even with all the lack of sleep.
I'm trying really hard not to be angry at Lily Belle, but it's hard. I find myself short with her today and I cringe every time I do it. I am mean mommy today and I cannot stand it. I know a nap will make me feel better but that's not for a few more hours. For now I'm just going to drink my coffee and put on Movie Me in hopes that I can shake this off and get back to how I'm supposed to be.
But, If this is a test. I am totally failing it. Sorry, God, but I think I've been tested enough. Just give me some sleep and I'll go back to feeling like I've been blessed again. But right now I'm feeling more cursed than anything else.
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Hang in there! Have you tried talking to your ped? I got some sleep suggestions for Molly and Ev while I was there on Wed. 2 for 1 ;). Hope Santa brings you some sleep!
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