Changing My Days

I'm thinking that something needs to change.

I'm tired of just "getting through the day." I give myself so many excuses - she didn't sleep well last night. She woke up at 5am. She is cranky today. It's the time of the month. It's cold.  etc. etc. etc. I give myself any excuse just to get the day done.
And sometimes those excuses are valid - sometimes I'm a mess when I wake up at 5am. Sometimes I'm just having a bad day. Sometimes she is a handful that I just can't handle.
But not everyday.
And I need to stop making excuses and actually LIVE.

I need to take the time to sit down on the floor and really, really play with my baby girl before she doesn't want to play with me anymore. I need to go for walks and start doing pilates again. I need to sit and watch Mickey with her and not just turn it on and lose an hour in front of the computer (right now doesn't count - I'm having a revelation!)

Dennis and I have been talking and we've decided that he is going to stay home from work twice a week now. The once a week thing was great but I found myself more and more using that one day not for playgroups and outings at the park, but for blood tests and doctors appointments.
I found myself walking around the neighborhood straining my ears and eyes for any kids playing outside and then beeline it over to the house with kids outside - Hi! I'm a stay at home mom with no car and I'm absolutely desperate for something!
Cue Lori, my new neighbor and mother of 3 boys - one of them "A" who is 2 months younger than LB. She also watches 2.5year old "E." I found her while out walking around and even though we've only had a "playdate" twice (ie, me walking up to her house and thrusting myself and Lily on her and the boys for an hour or two) I feel very lucky that she is in my neighborhood and just a walk down the road.
She has also asked me to watch A and E for one morning and week. YES, PLEASE! Anything to get LB around more kids her age. Anything to give me something different during the day. The extra cash is of course, very welcome, but I'll take the social and play stimulant for LB over that any day (but really, the cash is needed!)

I bet a sound a bit wacky today. I wasn't sure how to word my feelings...all I know is that I need to change something in my life and I can only think to change myself. To make small changes to better my life with my family, to make each day a gift and not something that needs to be started over on a better food. I want to go to bed satisfied that I did my best, not that I half assed it because "I'm done with the day. I need to just start tomorrow off better." (How many times have I said that these past months?)

Am I making any sense?