I need a moment to complain. I just need a small space in time that I am not put together, happy, "handling it so well." Not so much a breakdown...just a, well, a moment.
I hate feeding therapy. I hate the spoon game. I HATE that my child is not hungry even after going 8+ hours without anything to eat or drink with her blood sugar at 74 and dropping. I hate that we worked SO hard in OT only to be pushed back to infancy eating because of a damn milk intolerance. I hate that I have to give 4 medicine before breakfast and I hate that breakfast is a struggle that ends with me throwing up my hands and giving into her having just a liquid breakfast.
I hate it. And I hate dwelling on it and breaking down because of it. But I am so tired of these obstacles. Why won't she eat?
The feeding specialist asked me what I wanted out of feeding therapy and I did not hesitate to answer her. In my ideal world we would wake up, give medicines (because I am realistic even in my ideal world) and then we'd sit down, me with a cup of coffee, Lily with some cheerios, cut up fruit and what not and she would eat it without me prompting her or shoving spoonfuls of purees into her mouth. In short, I want her to be able to self feed. I want her to want to self feed.
I want to go out in public and be able to hand her a cup of goldfish and not worry about her gagging and throwing up everything. I don't want to have to bring jars of purees with me wherever we go. I want to order off the kids menu and cut up chicken and fries and see her happily munching away on everything.
I think I want what so many people take for granted. This whole feeding thing is just bringing me down. I have to face it not once, but three times a day - everyday and every time I almost hold my breath hoping that this will be the meal that she eats.
Okay. My moment is over. Maybe lunch she will eat. And maybe, just maybe, today she will eat both lunch and dinner. I have to be optimistic about it all because to be pessimistic about it is just being defeated and that's just not me. So, back to being "ON." There's a baby to entertain and errands to be run, not to mention the laundry and dishes that are calling my name.
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Cooper won't even hold his bottle! I'm still feeding him every piece of food that goes into his mouth. We're nowhere near a sippy cup! So, yeah I'm right there with you on wishing your kid could do some things for himself. He's physically unable to do these things, like he's not strong enough to hold a bottle up for extended amounts of time.
ReplyDeleteEvery mommy has frustrations! I get irritated at people complaining about their kids walking and them getting into everything. Hello? My kid is just now learning to put weight on his legs!
Keep your head up! It's just a moment!
You're doing such a great job with all of Lily's feeding challenges. If it makes you feel any better, I still have to take jars of purees everywhere we go because Asher refuses to eat many solids.
ReplyDeleteHe will chow down on little crackers, but a whole meal of bits of chicken or something - no way. I tried to give him green beans and cheesy bread last night and he just smooshed them with his hand and threw it off the tray. sigh.
I definitely get frustrated by his slow learning curve with food. It seems like everyone else with a baby his age can feed their kiddos anything and everything!
We'll get there! :o)
Hugs and more hugs. It is frustrating and you are doing wonderfully. There are days where we still have to "force" charlotte to eat solids, but slowly but surely they are getting farther and farther apart. Keep trying Keep smiling and know that she loves everything that you are doing for her.
ReplyDeleteHaving an autistic child has taught me so much about life. Without Patrick I would have never known that somethings were such a huge struggle like eating, pooping, peeing and talking.