Better Days

Things have been smooth sailing lately on the home front. I wish I could say everything else has been easier in life but that's not the case. I'll get to that later though.

Good news is: Lily is sleeping so much better. I almost hate to say it out loud because I'm so worried she will flip again and not sleep. I know babies go through phases and this won't last. I just hope that when she does go through something again (like teething) that it's not as bad as this last time was! Right now she's usually doing 2 naps a day, going to bed around 8pm and sleeping until 2ish (sleeps through her 10pm medicine!) then I nurse her at 2am, get up at 6am to give her her medicine and by that point she's usually up so I nurse her again and she's been sleeping until about 8am which is spectacular! So, I have been in such a better mood and feel like such a better mommy because of it :)

She's also been doing really well with eating jarred baby food. She even eats breakfast! She eats about 1/2 jar of fruit+cereal mix for breakfast, the rest of that jar for lunch + a little bit of jarred veggies and then has been eating a whole jar of mixed veggies for dinner. She's much easier to feed with the finely pureed stage 2 foods.

We also moved her into the BIG GIRL TUB! She has totally out grown her baby bath tub. Her feet stick out and it's just a big mess. It will take some getting used to, just like sponge bathing and the baby bath tub did in the beginning, but I'm excited about it! She's been sitting more and more everyday. We're working on teaching her to GET into the sitting position though I feel like that's very hard to teach. She's on her hands and knees, rocking, all the time now and just yesterday she moved her knees forward in a crawling motion - so not too long there! She absolutely loves to stand and will do so every time I put her down (trying to get her into a sitting position.) Hopefully she doesn't learn to pull up on things yet because then I'm in major trouble!

The somewhat bad news with Lily is that we are going to have to go to the GI doctor. I just scheduled an appointment on the 17th of this month. I don't know what he'll be able to do or tell us or what they are even looking for but the endocrinologist thinks it's necessary for us to go as a precaution. Her liver enzymes are still elevated and not dropping fast enough to please the doctors. I also wonder if the way her poop is has anything to do with what's going on but I plan to bring that up. I feed Lily fruits (like pears and peaches that are known to help constipation), an ounce of prune juice every now and then, prunes and give her at least 6oz of water a day and still her poop is hard and sometimes hurts her coming out! It's not a huge problem right now and certainly not everyday but it's something I think I should bring up.

I hope nothing is wrong with her liver or anything like that. Before all the SOD stuff happened they were talking about getting a biopsy perhaps to check out the liver and see what was going on. I really hope that don't have to do that. I can't imagine putting my little baby through that. So prayers are greatly appreciated!

And onto the drama part of my life. Where to begin? We're poor. I've never been this poor before. It's scary and frustrating and just sad. And there's just no end in sight.

And sister in law drama. I won't go into it all in details. I feel torn about how to feel. Part of me is glad that she and my niece are here, hopefully to stay, and that she is seeking out help for her drug addiction (yes, she admitted it.) Part of me is furious with her. Part of me is sickened. Part of me is sad.

And the worst part is. Part of me is jealous. (It takes some courage to admit THAT) Not of her situation of course, but of the attention, support, love and family response that she has gotten (even after ALL this time of giving it, they are still giving.) It makes me so mad. And here's why: Simply put, drugs and her situation were a choice. She chose that. She chose it over her own daughter. She continued to choose it even after moving up here into her mom's house and "starting fresh."

What Dennis and I are going through with Lily's medical stuff is not a choice and it is so overshadowed now with this whole drug drama. Yes, Den's mom came and saw Lily for a few hours in the hospital one day. And yes they asked for prayers for us. But where was Aunt Jan? Where was Cousin Hallie? Where was our support and love and heaven forbid me saying this, but attention?

And so that got me thinking that I just wish Dennis' family would tell us, "Hey, you guys are doing great. You guys are so strong. You two are so amazing with Lily and all you've done for her." Just because we aren't sinking (but let's face it, we are barely keeping our heads above water) doesn't mean we don't need encouragement especially from family. I know my mom tells me every now and again how good we are doing and it's SO good to hear. I just think Dennis would love to hear it from his mom, and I would appreciate it too. But I think she wants to hear more than, "You are my wonder child, where did I mess up with [sister in law]?"

I guess we just need to hear that we're doing a good job. That we are doing something right even though we are struggling and dealing with so much medical stuff (it never ends!) Maybe everyone needs to hear that every now and again but I feel like we are so battle worn from all we've been through the past couple of months that we DESERVE to hear it, especially from our own family.