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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Separation

**Warning...Emo Post Up Ahead**

How do you learn to separate Mommy and Allie? Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself and then other times I realize, hey! this is what you wanted all along - isn't it!? And how do these other moms my age leave their babies at home and go out drinking and pretend that nothing has changed? Yes, I know the fact that I don't go out and get drunk and pick friends over my baby makes me a good mother but, just the idea of going out for a girls night and perhaps getting a little too tipsy makes me anxious and worried! How can I do that when I have Lily here? Even if Dennis watched her. Or my mom watched her I would still feel like...well, I don't know what kind of emotion it is. I just feel like that would be irresponsible. And when I think heavily on the subject, It just seems so insane that I feel this way!?!
I should be able to go out and enjoy myself with the girls on occasion. I'm not talking every weekend but once a month would be fun and every now and then I can let loose, have a few too many drinks and perhaps even stay out at a friends house just once. Just to get away. I wonder if it will be easier when I'm not breastfeeding and thus she is not relying on me to be sober to feed her or nurse her back to sleep? But she could use pumped milk or formula.
I know this does not make me a bad mom so why do I feel so anxious just thinking about it!? And how do I get over it!? Just do it? How do I separate me and mommy or how can I at least make it so I a bit of both again and not just mommy 24-7.
I'm sure these are all normal feelings for a first time mom but I just don't know where to go from here.

Now I'm the one having separation anxiety!
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2 comments:

  1. JenTuesday, August 10, 2010

    Personally, I think it's healthy to get out of the house and do SOMETHING, ANYTHING by yourself. Sometimes, my hubby will watch Cooper and all I do is go to the bookstore and drink a coffee and listen to quiet! Yes, we're mommies now but it's not healthy for you or Lily to act like you're not an individual with personal needs anymore.

    I've been on 1 girls night out since Cooper was born! I went with my dearest friend that I've known for 24 years! We met when we were 8 so we've known each other forever and we talked about life...over margaritas! It was just enough of "me" time and I felt so rejuvenated!

    Don't feel guilty for needing to feel like "you"! I know the line gets blurred at times. I don't remember my life before Cooper and I love every moment of being his mommy but I know he needs me to be healthy and happy AND that comes from taking care of yourself for YOU!

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  2. UnknownTuesday, August 10, 2010

    Be like Lily...take baby steps.

    For instance, the other night for our girls night, had Lily not gotten sick you could have totally come and prolly felt okay about it. Lindsey and I just went to dinner and had one drink w/ our meal. I'm sure you do that at home some nights. And, it was only an hour. You can do that. Just baby steps. Doesn't have to be an all night booze fest, but just enough time away with yourself or with friends to be you again.

    Baby steps. Just give it a try.

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