This is just a phase.

This is just a phase.
This too shall pass.
Breathe Deep.
Dear God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.


I have reached the end of my rope and it is a back breaking blow.

I keep telling myself I am not less of a mom because I have reached my limit. I keep telling myself most people would've broken earlier. I keep telling myself that I should not feel guilty.
I am a liar.

In the back of my mind I know that I am way, way, way sleep deprived - going beyond the normal "bad sleeping phase" going on 6 weeks now of the same thing night after night. I kept telling myself it would get better but in reality it has only gotten worse.

So I did what any mom would do and I took LB to the pediatrician. She checked out fine (no ouch ears even though LB insisted that her ears hurt.) Just a teething cold.
And I learned that sometimes doctors just don't have the answers and can only tell you that you're doing your best, it's okay to let her cry and to walk away and ask for help when it becomes too much.

So, that's what I'm doing. Letting her cry - constantly. Every sleep time is a battle of CIO and my will power - which surprisingly is much stronger than before since I am so angry and tired and fed up. Even nap time has now become a major struggle leading to letting her cry it out.
It works.

I like this spot better than right inside the door.

But she is constantly sleeping right inside the door of her room, on the floor. Even when I transfer her now she wakes up and is back to the door which leads to yet another bout of CIO.

And I'm asking my mom for help this weekend. She is taking LB Saturday so Dennis and I can get some sleep.

And Dennis is stepping up big time and helping out how he can. We're trying not to let it get to each other and putting on a strong front together.

He also surprised me with a Saturday of pampering with a 90minute massage (!!!!!!) and a haircut from our Aunt (YES! He does listen!) And then my mom will take LB and I'll have a totally heavenly day that I don't want a damn thing to ruin.

In the meantime we are letting LB sleep on the floor, just thankful that she is sleeping. We are letting her cry it out several times a night and at least twice during nap time (sad face.) We are changing medicine times [again] so that I do not have to get up at 3am. Dr. S thinks this will at least give me my time at night (bless her, she is a very big advocate for parents to get their own time!) and since she's already getting back up between 3/4a then really, how much earlier can she get up?
I purchased a toddler crib rail in hopes that it would give her more security in her big girl bed but it is too big and she climbed right over it (i bought it more for security than to keep her in.) So now I have to take that back and order one online.
And I am going to try to let her nap for as long as she wants to tomorrow. What's the worst that can happen now? (seriously...knock on freaking wood.) I've been waking her up and she is completely and utterly exhausted and pitiful.

If all else fails we have some blood tests to check out and the option of a middle of the night melatonin to help her drift back off to sleep when she gets up too early. It's a safety net, something that I know I can do if all else fails. And really, I have tried everything.