Perspective

I'm sitting here thinking of Dennis and Lily Belle. I'm watching them on the video monitor. They are laying together on the floor trying to go to sleep after reading the Elmo book for the 500th time. Dennis has taken over putting LB "to bed" and he has so much patience with her (surprisingly, since he is not the most patient person on any given day!)

The other night when he came down the stairs after laying with her for about 20 minutes (Yes, this is what it takes to get her to go to sleep these days - but it works - for now!) I just smiled at him and said,
"I love you. You are so good with her. You always make time for her when you get home. You always get down on the floor and play and make her laugh. She is just so lucky to have you as her father."
I know it made him feel good to hear that. I need to tell him more often.
Surprisingly he replied with,
"I just know that every day with her is so fragile."

My eyes immediately welled up with tears,
"I didn't know you thought like that."
Because of course, I think like that often. Even when I am fed up with her, when I am tired and sleep deprived, when we have read the Elmo book for the thousandth time I have to just stop myself and think - wait, you should just be thankful that she is alive. That she is here. That she is happy and healthy. That she is thriving!

(Disclaimer, saying this to myself at 4am does not help the mood.. It doesn't work when she's throwing a tantrum, or I'm being hit in the face with a crayon. But it helps when I realize - hey, I'm not paying attention to her like I should be. Why am I on facebook? Why is Teen Mom on TV? Does she really need to be watching Mickey again this morning? It helps put me back where I'm supposed to be.)

So, it hit a very tender part of my heart that night that he said that. He doesn't often speak of his feelings, especially regarding LB and her diagnosis and most importantly the future. He is the poster child for "one day at a time" so it was nice to hear it. And it's even nicer that he's stepping up even more these days to help out when things have been so hard for me lately. He really is a wonderful man and I mean it when I say that Lily is really, very lucky to have him as a father. (Love you, Den!)