But for now my days are on repeat. I spend the day struggling to be a better person than I was when I woke up at 2am, 3am, 4am, etc. I strive to make the day bearable, if not productive and fun for myself and Lily Belle. And then I am so exhausted by dinner time that I have no desire to cook, let alone clean (sorry, Family!) And every night I go to bed with the hope and optimism of the insane and think "tonight, yes, tonight will be the night that I will wake up and see 6am on my clock instead of 3/4/5a" I never thought I was so damn optimistic and sometimes it just plain sucks.
I'm contemplating a few things to try for LB in the next week. Last night we started the humidifier for back ground noise and also because her nose has been stuffy when she lays down. We also took the mattress off the crib and put it on the floor for her to try and sleep on. She fell off about twice last night and I was able to go back and soothe her back to sleep. The last time though I attempted letting her cry it out for about 45 minutes at 1am.
It, of course, failed.
I went in and put her in the guest bed with me where we slept until about 4:45am. I at least got some sleep and so did she. Although it's not fun to hear "wake up mommy" in whispers right beside my face in the morning. Cute, but not what I want to hear on such little sleep.
But this makes me wonder if I should attempt trying the ferber method again. I fear that LB has some separation anxiety going on so straight up CIO is not going to work. I think maybe we need to at least try the ferber method again and see if that does anything for us. *sigh* More long nights of crying ahead of us...again.
In other news, cloth diapering is still going great. I still want to get some more pockets for night/nap time and another wool cover sometime. But so far my stash is holding us for 2 days still. Hemp seems to be our best friend with the heavy wetting. It's pretty amazing!
GMP is having some people come out to evaluate LB in the next few months. We have mobility and OT coming out to just do a little check up. Hopefully we won't need any services but if we do it's nice to have Dee and GMP on our side to help.
Speaking of mobility, LB is doing great with walking and depth perception. She's able to go down the stairs almost entirely on her own. She still crawls up the steps but our steps are pretty big. She still can't run or jump but we're constantly working on it.
I have noticed I find myself watching other kids at playdates and out in public. The ease in which they move and the confidence they have without even having to work for it. I find myself holding back gasp and shouts of watch out for that step! and slow down! Be careful! These kids aren't wobbly on their feet and don't need to be told about steps. I still hold my breath each time a kid of any age gets to the edge of a stair or stage and doesn't look down but just walks right off (easily, again.) It's funny how thoughts like this take up so much of my time now.
Anyway, again, bear with me while we struggle through our sleep problems. It reminds me of the pain and stress of our previous feeding problems and look where we are with that now?! So I just need to try and try and try until I find something that works for us...and bid my time until we perfect something. Because really, something has got to work. We can't go on like this indefinitely.
Oh and, here you go:
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| Insanely cute picture of LB |
This may be the unpopular answer for some and in no way am I saying it would be ideal for your family.....but have you thought about co-sleeping, at least once she is up at 3/4/5am?
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing and why I am making the suggestion (and it is only a suggestion), while my daughter did not have the medical issues LB has, she would wake at night often and the only way for me to get rest was just to pull her into bed with me. Also, and this may have more to do with personalities though it makes me ponder.....she co-clept with us as a baby and then as she reached toddlerhood we would put her in her bed at night and she would wake and come to our room after midnight or very early morning where we would allow her to crawl into bed with us rather than spend the next hour or two trying to get her back down. While not ideal, it allowed us some much needed sleep. She transitioned herself to sleeping in her bed all night around age 4. B on the other hand, while he slept in a co-sleeper the first 4 months was way too restless and with my husband's job requiring him to be overseas leaving me somewhat of a single parent I decided to do Ferber. Here's where the interesting part comes. SHe is and always has been the most independent child, super confident and anytime I would leave her in a nursery at church or with a sitter from even a very young age she would smile and wave and never shed a tear.....B, on the other hand FLIPS out if I leave the room in our own house, I gave up on going to church because they always had to call me back for him due to his excessive crying and I have recently joined a gym and he cries the entire time he is in kid care....even started flipping out when we pull into the parking lot because he has figured out what's coming. I am really beginning to believe that his insecurities comes from letting him "cry it out".
This may not be the case with LB but just thought I would throw it out there. It may be more important for you right now to get sleep any way you can and worry about HOW you are getting it later.