Ferberized

Tonight we started sleep training using Richard Ferber's method. I went out and bought the book today, read it front to back, and I was actually looking forward to starting it in a way since I actually understand what the man is trying to say. Lily, for example, is used to be PUT to sleep either by nursing, rocking or using a paci and then, once she is asleep, we put her down in her crib. If she were to wake up we would start the rocking/paci thing all over again (not very happily...) So, she had the wrong sleep associations. She would wake up in the night and wonder where we were, because the last thing she remember was being in our arms. How scary! And confusing!

The ferber method is putting the baby to sleep awake and letting them cry BUT being able to go check on them in increasing increments. Now, let me tell you, Dennis and I decided to try this out and we decided to back each other throughout the whole thing but damn, 15 minutes in and we both looked at each other almost in tears and we were both thinking, "how much more of this can we take?" Lily did not cry. Lily SCREAMED. And all that was running through my mind was the hospital. That dreadful stint in the hospital where nurses came in every morning to take her blood and sometimes came back again and again throughout the day. I remembered her awful cries when they couldn't get a vein or when a vein blew and they had to move to another one and try again. I remember her looking at me with tears in her eyes like she was asking me to save her, like she was asking me with tearful eyes, "Why are you letting them do this to me!?"

Yes, all this was going through my mind while I let my daughter scream-cry it out. And every time we went into the room at our planned intervals, it just seemed to make it worse. She would be standing in her crib crying and then see us and cry even harder like, THERE you are! And put her arms out and all I could do was pick her up and place her right back in her crib and say goodnight.

After 15 minutes of this I wanted to punch Richard Ferber square in the nose.

But it worked. I am able to write this blog right now because my daughter is now sleeping in her crib without being rocked, nursed or sucking on a pacifier.

This is how we did it tonight: We did our usual bedtime routine, starting around 7:30 with a bath, lotion, jammies, shot, prayers with Daddy, and then I nursed her. She was so tired tonight that she started to fall asleep while nursing but I told Den that I would let her fall asleep, but that I wouldn't try to KEEP her asleep when I put her down. Anyways, I unlatched her and she woke up (and sneezed, actually) and then the crying commenced. Before I even put her down! I think said how much we loved her, told her it was time for sleep, goodnight and sweet dreams. We did the increments of 3 minutes - 5 - 7 - 10 and then 15 minutes there after until she fell asleep. We decided to let the screaming go on for 1.5hrs before we tried something else for tonight.

I made it to 8:22 (when we put her down at 8pm) until I officially picked her up. I had picked her up only to put her straight back down in the crib - because she would be standing or sitting up - but this time I picked her up. She was so pitiful. So sad. And she just put her arms up like, "please. please just hold me for a moment" So, I gave in. Screw Ferber, I needed the hug just as much as she did! And she just took a deep breath and put her head on my shoulder and hugged me. *sigh* My poor baby! I then passed her to Dennis to get a hug in (he need it too!) but it seemed she only wanted me tonight, possibly because I have always been such a big, emotional connection with sleep time. Anyway, we were good and put her back down in her crib despite the screaming, crying again.

I went down and got a glass of water and cried. When I came back up it was quiet and Dennis was out of the room and all I could think was, She threw up. Man. I bet she spewed everywhere. But, Dennis didn't yell for me. When he entered the room I gave him "the look" and asked why he deviated from the plan (we were just starting the 15 minute increments) and he said, "I had to make sure she was breathing. She's asleep" WHAT!?

So I, of course, had to go back and check for myself and there was my beautiful, brave, daughter asleep on her tummy (breathing) and sleeping peacefully.

It worked.

The night is not a total success yet. We still have to do this every time she wakes up in the middle of the night, which lately has been every 1-2 hours - yes, it has gotten that bad. But, the biggest hurdle, in my opinion, has been jumped. We know it works for her. We know we can do it.

I don't know how the 4am medicine will work with this method but hopefully I can give her the meds and breastfeed her and then put her back down to go back to sleep on her own again, even if we have to go through the whole process again. I'll just hate it if we have to wake her up for that. But, I guess we'll stick to what we've been doing and just do the meds/bfing as close to 4am as we can when she gets up on her own.

Wish us luck again. And I'll let you know how the rest of the night/week works out.