I'll just get on with it. Most times once I write everything down and get it out I feel much better and I could use that right now. Even this chocolate chip cookie and glass of red wine isn't helping much.
First things first. I've been thinking a lot lately about the reaction I sometimes get when people learn about Lily. People are so supportive and encouraging when they hear about her condition which I of course, appreciate. But it sometimes rubs me the wrong way when people say things like "You are so dedicated to her health and wellbeing" or "you can such a patient mother." Of course sometimes this makes me feel like the most wonderful mother on the planet but then I get to thinking...if you've decided to bring a life into this world, you damn well better be a dedicated parent. I won't get up on my soap box about people having babies that shouldn't be but, I just don't get how doing what any other mother in my situation would do (ie educating myself, staying on top of medical conditions, being aware and giving medicines on time) makes me an exceptional mother. I believe it's what any of you would do in my position.
hm. And I guess if it was YOU doing it, I would probably think you were pretty damn wonderful too. So, there, maybe that's worked out in my head.
On wards.
I've been down lately. I don't know if it's hormonal again or if it's just that I really am unhappy in my life lately but it sucks.
And then life brings about these funny little nudges to say, "Hey, woman, you've got some pretty damn good things to feel blessed about. Suck it up and snap out of it."
For example, just today:
A best friend that came to hang out and run errands with me without complaint. And also listened to me vent away about everything and anything.
Being torn between TWO houses to choose from.
My sweet baby girl who is quick with a smile and even quicker with a giggle.
Hearing that someone I really care about and really deserves to become a Mom more than anyone else I know had embryos transferred today. I'm praying that it sticks and we can finally celebrate her pregnancy!
HP marathon on all weekend!
Rocking my Lily Belle to "Baby Mine" with her laying on my chest (Best way to end the day? Probably!)
So why am I still bummed? Who knows.
Part of its that private part I need to keep to myself and part of it is this whole house searching thing.
As I've said before, we've found two homes we are considering up in N Raleigh closer to my parents and friends but more expensive. I really like one of them and Dennis really likes the other. It's not really fun when we're torn about the houses. We both like the other ones but we're both feeling pretty strongly about the ones we like. I personally like mine because it's in a great neighborhood with a pool and is move in ready (new paint and new carpet) and Den likes his because it's brick, and we can "add our own stamp onto the house" because it needs so much work. I mean, just to get into it we need to paint the whole inside of the house and carpet the upstairs. I just know if we move into that one we'll always be needing to do something else and won't have the money to do it because it's not necessary. I'd rather have most of the things done and clean and change little things that we need to do on our own time.
And lastly, Lily had a weird stomach bug that luckily only lasted 24 hours but was still really nasty. We went through about 5 bed sheets and 6-7 outfits through that time. I'm not sure if it was from the 15 month vaccines, strawberries, just a bug or the occasional full soy milk cup.
We've addressed her low blood sugar with a upping of Hydrocortisone which I think has helped but I'll still be looking forward to our endo appointment in April.
Lily is still not walking and it's to the point that I'm starting to get frustrated. And yes, yes, yes, I know, I know. She's so close. She really is. And she'll walk when she's ready - she'll walk when she has something worth walking to - blah blah blah. I just want my 15 month old baby to walk already.
Anyway, We have feeding therapy Tuesday. She has been eating less now but maybe she went through a growth spurt? We may need to tinker with her prevacid dose, possibly. She has been successfully eating puffs and yogurt melts! AND, she weighs 20lbs .5oz at her 15 month appointment! That's something to be pretty damn proud of!
Alright. I'm all vented out and tired now. Have a good week, everyone!
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