Two Years Later

It's hard to believe it's been two years since the seizure. So much has happened. We've had so many triumphs, a few set backs, a lot of tears, even more hugs. There have been countless times where I patted myself on the back and there were a few times where I broke down - only to build myself back up (we all need a break down every now and again, right?!) There have been friends made and advice exchanged. There have been days where PHP/SOD doesn't cross my mind - as much - and I never thought that day would come. And there are days where I still curse PHP/SOD and wonder why this happened.

But through it all, everyday, I look at my daughter and realize how lucky we are. How truly blessed we have been. I feel like that word might get tossed around too much - blessed. What does it really mean?
For us, it means we have a child who embraces life despite the medicines every 8 hours, the constant thirst, the shot every night and the blood draws that come with all of this. We have a daughter who constantly wants to learn and know everything, "whasthat Mommy?" A shining star that always strives to do better and be better and teaches us that we should do the same. A wonderful little person that may be cautious in her actions but shows us that maybe we should be cautious in all of ours too - our actions and our words. She has taught us that love really is patient and she has really tested that patience! She is fun and happy and for us, that is all that matters - she is loved and happy and because of that we are blessed.

It makes it easier to bury those horrible memories of two years ago. The heart stopping, mind numbing, terrible panic that came with finding your 4 month daughter seizing. All of the unknown. All of the tests. Even with the diagnosis, all of the possibilities and doubts of what she would be able to see and do. It doesn't completely erase and it and perhaps nothing will.
I remember calling my sister on the morning we were transferred to Wake Med and it was the first time I was really able to absorb what had happened. Lily Belle was asleep in the hospital crib and I just lost it, gasping for air, telling Stacey that I would never, ever get the image of that moment out of my head.
And it's true. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Just writing about it now makes me feel like a fist is squeezing my heart...but then I think of all those times the past two years that I've laid with her and watched her sleep. All the wonderful times I can slowly start to replace the bad times with.

I look forward to making more memories with this wonderful little girl that I have been blessed with.  She really is an example that we should take after. A happy, healthy, go with the flow-attitude. A girl that is quick to say "I love you" and even quicker to tell you "Its beautiful!" A daughter that I cannot get enough of. A blessing that makes me want to be a better Mommy everyday and show her how very proud I am of her.