I should be sleeping.

Yes. It's only 9:25pm but I should be sleeping. Lily is swaddled up tight and asleep in her bassinet beside the bed so I should definitely be on my way to lala land. Especially since the past two nights have not given me much sleep. So this post will probably be semi short even though I have so much to say, so much I need to get off my chest. I just don't really know where to start so I guess I'll being with the trivial things.

We went to Grandma Jan's this weekend for one night. Lily did exceptional - though I had no doubts that she would. She's so laid back. She only fussed on the way there when we were stuck in stand still traffic. Once the car started back up she was back to sleep! It was good to get out of the house and to see Den's mom. His Aunt Jan was also there and stayed the night and it was really good to see her too. She lives like a block away but her life has been a bit hectic, so she says, and she hasn't been able to come by and see Lillian yet. But oh well, she's met her now at least. And she says she will cut my hair anytime I need to (which I need to badly.)

Stacey also came in Friday and she saw Lily briefly. It kinda sucked because she was sleeping most of the time. I felt bad for Stacey but we had already made the plans to go out of town and I knew Dennis really needed it.

Bleh. I just don't think I can go into the heavy stuff tonight. My laptop is burning my legs (damn those farmville and cafe world games that make my laptop fan blow constantly and run all hot!) Basically, I'm about 10 weeks post partum and now that I'm settling down into a schedule and I'm getting more sleep, still constantly interrupted, but more than 3 hours a night, I worry about PPD. I have a history of depression in my own life and in my family. I know the symptoms and the signs but it's a totally different ball game when your in the midst of it. It's only been heavily on my mind the past couple of days when I've been emotionally up and down for no reason. I think part of it was that I was trying to keep my schedule on everyone else's (Stacey, Dennis, Jan) schedule instead of "mine and Lily's" (aka Lily's schedule) So I was loosing sleep, not being able to sleep in - which is when I get the most sleep throughout the whole night and feeling really, really down.

So we'll see how I feel this upcoming week when I can get back to being an on-demand mommy, which is another thing I need to write about *Reminder Al!* Being an on demand mommy is TOUGH. I'll probably be able to go into that tomorrow.

For now it is time to try and sleep for as long as Lily will let me (hopefully 4 hours since she is sleeping so soundly right now!)