Private

Today marks my first day as a private blog. It's kind of bittersweet, which is odd. I think I shouldn't feel anything about it. I still have my outlet and a little audience (Welcome!) but for some reason I feel like I lost a little something. Then again, I also feel like I gained a bit of freedom back and can write about anything without the fear of offending someone or not being able to write about more personal items of my life.

Speaking of, I'm in the middle of my first fertility treatment. (Yes, still weird to think that.) It's been an emotional breeze. I've not stressed about this cycle or worried about a negative or positive test. I've not counted down days (too much) or cried about the pills and shots. I've kind of just went along for the ride.

Now, it's not been physically easy. The femara pills gave me crazy migraines out of the blue that would attack with a vengeance. But that I could deal with. The worst part about this whole ordeal is the shot. Of course, I don't worry about shots. I give one to my 3 year old every night. But the shot is straight up hCG. Sound familiar? It's the pregnancy hormone. I took this shot last Sunday and still to this day, 9 days later, I have crazy pregnancy symptoms: exhaustion, junk food cravings, bloating, weepy, fatigue, bleeding gums, and vivid dreams. Unreal! I constantly have to remind myself that it is the shot; that it's way too early to know if anything happened yet and that of course, leads me to start counting down the days.
I am determined not to take a test until 14 dpo, which is next week. I cannot stand the thought of the ovidrel (shot) to still be in my system which would give me a false positive. Did you know I've never really seen a positive pregnancy test!? I already knew, from a blood test, that I was pregnant with LB. I did take a digital test that same day just to see the word "PREGNANT." The first time I ever saw two lines was with an OPK and I was stunned "So this is what it looks like..." I can't wait to see those two lines on a pregnancy test. It'll make it all so much sweeter.

And through all this: The crazy headaches, strange unfounded pregnancy symptoms, the worry and the uncomfortable scheduling of intimate affairs - I am certain that something is going to work. I will have my miracle baby. Even if it doesn't work this cycle, I know that it will work soon. I am still working on my faith, patience and knowing that things happen for a reason - even if that saying sometimes irks me. I know that this is part of my story and it will be part of Miracle Baby's story too.